Attachment Theory and Character Backstory

Write a backstory. That’s the advice many give to aspiring writers. Sometimes this is accompanied by a worksheet for character traits. You fill in their favorite color, strengths and weaknesses, significant life events, and other things. Worksheets vary greatly from author to author, and there is no objective method that is guaranteed to work for you. The same is true here. As much as this is based on science, it is still just one way to approach the problem of character backstory. So if this doesn’t work for you, that’s ok.

Attachment theory is a psychological theory about how humans form relationships based on their early childhood experiences with caregivers. As a theory, numerous experiments have been conducted and analyzed. It’s not as solid as the theory of gravity, but it is well-researched and correlates with a number of intuitive life outcomes. That is, individuals with secure attachment (the “best” form) tend to perform better at a wide range of life tasks, especially those related to relationships.

The idea is that during the first two years of a child’s life (or your character’s life) they will form one of four types of attachment to their caregiver(s). This attachment style will affect all future relationships and problem solving. After that point, your influence over the child decreases as other influences increase, namely preschool teachers and friends, school friends/teachers, babysitters, and so on.

Secure Attachment - About 70% of people fall into this category. Secure attachment means that during the first couple of years of life there was at least one caregiver that was consistently attentive to the child’s needs. They keep calm when their caregiver is not present for a reasonable time, and will trust strangers while in the presence of their caregiver. Individuals that have secure attachment tend to trust in their relationships. Observations indicate that having multiple caregivers will give rise to attachment behavior that allows the child to see things from multiple perspectives more readily than those raised with a single caregiver.

Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment - This is the category for most abused children. They become deeply distressed when away from their caregiver and are suspicious of strangers even when the caregiver is present. They tend to keep to themselves and do not trust easily, if at all.

Anxious-avoidant/dismissive-avoidant Attachment - This is for children that are largely ignored or rebuffed by their caregivers, rarely having their needs met. These children will not be distressed when the caregiver leaves, and will not be joyful when they return. They explore little, keep to themselves, and generally avoid strangers. They hide their distress for fear of being reprimanded or ignored.

Disorganized/disoriented Attachment - This is a catchall category for children that don’t fit into the other types. They have inconsistent responses to their caregiver leaving or returning, and can be reserved or outgoing. This behavior tends to develop when the caregiver(s) suffered a traumatic event shortly before or after the birth of the child and slipped into depression. Some children will seek comfort from a stranger when one is present, then fall fearful when the stranger offers that comfort.

How does this help you build a character backstory?

First, it lets you think about your character’s beginnings and give some context to how they would form. If you want a well-adjusted outgoing character, you probably want them to have secure attachment. If you want them to be open minded, they should have two or more supportive caregivers. If you need an inherently distrustful character, anxious-ambivalent is the easy option, perhaps with an abusive parental figure or extended family member.

Second, it lets you see how that character’s relationships are likely to play out as they age, since attachment is mostly stable. This means that as young children, securely attached children will form relationships easily, will cut negative forces from their life, and generally be happy unless ostracized. The three insecure attachments will each have their own way of approaching relationships. Here’s some details about how this plays out for adults.

Keep in mind that as with all statistics and generalizations, there are always exceptions. In fact, many interesting characters are formed because they are exceptions. These are not universal types, just starting points.

Secure - These people generally strive for success and aren’t afraid to fail. They like to learn new skills to a decent or superior level of proficiency. They don’t get anxious about themselves much and care for other people, being naturally empathetic. In a relationship, they will be good at everything: communication, conflict-resolution, love and affection, caring, forgiving, and able to detect manipulation. That doesn’t mean they can’t have a temper or occasionally screw up. It just means that they are equipped to handle relationship problems and aren’t afraid to do so.

Anxious-Ambivalent - These folks need lots of attention. They seek external validation constantly and may become too dependent on others. They don’t trust easily and complain or show distress often. They also tend to have a negative view of themselves and overthink things. You may notice a lot of overlap with anxiety and depression here, and those are highly correlated. But disorders are separate from attachment theory. You can have a depressed secure individual, for example.

Anxious-avoidant/Dismissive-avoidant - These folks like to be alone. This is more than standard introversion, though there is a correlation. They hide or suppress their feelings and don’t seek out relationships often. They tend to think highly of themselves but distrust others. When they are in a relationship, they will fear getting too close, and may self-sabotage to avoid it.

Disorganized/Disoriented - These people also suppress their emotions. They want closeness but are distrustful of others, making it difficult to find. They also have low views of themselves. They seek or avoid comfort and intimacy inconsistently.

Now, let’s put together that backstory.

How was your character raised as a young child (0 - 2 years old)? What form of attachment best fits the personality you need them to have?

Now fast forward in their life a little. What kinds of friends and relationships did they have as children? Who did they learn from and how were they treated? Did this conflict with their attachment style, or confirm it?

Fast forward some more to adolescence. This period of life differs greatly from culture to culture and between time-periods. For example, in modern times it is a period of distress and troublesomeness. In the middle ages it was the time you took an apprenticeship and became an adult. There are a lot of ways this could play out that will be specific to your culture and story. But it’s the same types of questions. Who were they friends/enemies with and why? What relationships did they form? What was the attachment style of their friends/partners/teachers? Where did these conflict with your character’s attachment and where did they align? What was your character’s response.

Thinking of these things lets you build a backstory bit by bit, considering how each period of life impacts the character’s worldview. It gives you plenty of inspiration for flashbacks, interesting life events, trauma, the whole nine yards. When you move forward into adult life, the only difference will be instead of having teachers, the character may be teaching someone themselves and will have superiors and colleagues to associate with. These relationships affect how your character sees the world too.

So, let’s say your character grew up happy with attentive parents and is relatively well-adjusted. But in early life they’re picked on, maybe because they’re a little weird, too competent, or have a disfigurement of some sort. This pattern continues all the way into adulthood, as people continue to pigeon-hole the character. This individual would suffer from some serious disillusionment with the world. They had nice parents, but everything else sucked. This could make a great villain who is evil not because of some past trauma, but because of the general unfairness of the world. This villain would care deeply for their family and form solid relationships with a small cadre of friends, treating minions and lackeys with respect, and all others with distrust and disdain. This is just one example of how you could cobble a character together. Experiment and let me know if you think of something interesting.

This post only scratches the surface of attachment theory. If you’d like to know more, edx.org has a couple of classes on Developmental Psychology that touch on attachment and has even more juicy information not covered here. You can also find a wealth of information for free on open.edu in the form of several courses and modules, all free.

Hopefully you’ve found some inspiration and a new way to think about character backstory. Either way, we’re done for now. Now, get back to writing.